In A World of Hurt

I facilitate a class on Monday evenings at Charlotte Correctional Center called Father Accountability. It's a parenting skills class I've developed over the past two years and I lead fifteen inmates at a time (all of whom have children) through the thirteen weekly sessions. The class is not "a Bible study group led by the chaplain" as most would expect. It's open to anyone who wants to learn to be a better father to his children. We get all kinds.
The first few weeks we spend a lot of time talking about our own fathers, and the habits and practices we've learned from them, and the baggage we've brought to the role of father from our own father-son relationships. For many, it's a very difficult thing to go back and re-live our childhood memories (or lack of memories) of our own fathers. But it's necessary.

Last week we got deep into one of these sessions with a new group of dads, and it got really heavy. The anger and pain poured forth from most of the men in the room. Anger toward fathers who were never there. Painful memories of abuse and worse.
One inmate said he hated his father. Some never knew their fathers at all so they had no reference point whatsoever. Another told how his father murdered his brother. One had tried to kill his father in a heated moment. The only thing that prevented such a tragedy was "the gun jammed." Another became visibly angry with me for bringing up the memories. He fumed and fussed and finally stormed out of the meeting.

I went home that evening with a knot in my stomach. I felt sick for days afterward. It was one of the most troubling scenes I've ever been a part of. I'd never seen such venemous anger; such raw pain. It felt as if we'd left a gut-pile on the floor. We're talking about fathers and sons!
I wondered if I was wrong to go there. Had I misread these men? Who am I to tear the scabs off of those old wounds? What business do I have performing such delicate surgery in this place?

But one week later it seems as if it may have done much good. Yes! The pain is still very real. No! We can't go back and change any of it. But recognizing it seems to be helping some come to terms with why they are the way they are, and why they do the stuff they do.

Maybe now the healing can begin.